Today was a bit strange.

Uhuru had scheduled me in for a tour of the ship to speak to the crew prior to staff appraisals.

Before we started, I had to make an embarrassing trip to the barber, then have a routine transporter signature diagnostic. This involves a simple beam from one transporter room to another as a routine check.

Once it was done, I headed off to the engineering deck to met Uhuru

Whilst we were in the turbolift, I noticed that I had something dangling in my face.

I hadn’t noticed whatever it was until I left the transporter room. I presumed it must be a leftover dreadlock that the ships barber had failed to remove (don’t ask! It’s extremely embarrassing.)

I meet Uhuru in engineering, and she looked at me in utter shock. I thought best not to mention the embarrassing episode involving the hairstyle and press on regardless.

The curious thing is, that whenever I looked at Uhuru, my vision was no longer obscured by the dangling appendage. Also, my head would feel heavy and keep falling forward. At one point, she bent over to pick up a tricorder, and I could see her pants. Suddenly I felt faint. Later, when she was walking in front of me, and I was trying to avoid looking at her nether regions, I banged my head on a low archway. This had never happened before.

I must be getting taller.

Aside from this, Everybody I spoke to had a smile on their face, and they were all full of laughter. It makes me proud to think I inspire so much confidence in the crew, and that morale is so high.

I offered to take Uhuru for a drink, but she declined, looking like she had seen a ghost, staring at my forehead like I had a pasty on it. I apologised and said that I would get the offending item removed (I dared not tell her how I got it)

She said she had spoken to Scotty, and requested that I get my transporter signature check sorted out a second time. She dragged me up there hurriedly, and my requests to stop in a bathroom along the way were flatly refused.

The check went fine, and the rogue appendage disappeared afterwards. It must have been removed in the transport process.

When I got back to my quarters, I found a sticker on my back that said ‘Dickhead’

Curious.