I think Uhuru is having an affair with Spock.

I keep spotting them making eyes at each other.

We were on the bridge the other day in the middle of some negociation or another. A peace treaty with the Klingons, or something. Anyway, whilst one of those pastie-browed neanderthals was wittering on about trade routes, I caught Uhuru checking out Spocks behind.

I don't know what he's got that I haven't. I know how to forward roll. And do Karate chops. And how to mate with aliens. Spock has hardly ever mated. Vulcans only do it once every 7 years.

They must be frigid or something.

Once the negociations had finished and we had destroyed the enemy ship, I saw spock blatantly oggling her mammory glands. She saw him do it, but instead of fixing him with a steely-eyed glare (like she does with me) she fluttered her eyelashes and stroked his arm. He merely raised an eyebrow and went back to looking into that scope he seems to love so much. I have no idea what it does.

Maybe it's some kind of visual uniform penetration device....

That would explain the permanent hard-on he seems to have.