Ah, it's working. Good.
It's now an incalculable time since I was last able to complete an entry; I have no watch, and I'm not quite what those point things mean in the stardate.
Anyway, the computer on this Klingon Warbird is rubbish when compared to Stafleet's finest.
It's running something called 'Super Mario Brothers' instead of the Klingon standard 'Ms Pacman', which is extremely irritating. It means that I couldn't spend these last few months bettering my high score. On a less inconvenient note, it also means I have been unable to maintain this private log, as the computer says 'no information can escape a black hole'.
Khan must have rewired it.
Since my last entry, I've been quite busy.
On my way to meet The Remans to introduce myself for some freelance mercenary work, I fell asleep on the control desk and accidentally spilled whisky on the console, causing the computer to change course - inadvertantly guiding the warbird into a black hole. The computer refused to provide me with an A-Z of black holes, claiming something about 'their dimensions being infinite' and 'the event horizon representing the point of no return'. Usually, pounding on the console and screaming loudly sorts out these problems - an officer usually assists, or the admiralty get involved.
Not on this hunk of junk.
Luckily, the Black Hole spat the ship out somewhere, which the computer said was 'technically impossible'. I responded by pointing out that it had actually happened, so it was not technically impossible, therefore making the phrase 'technically impossible' an oxymoron - which is defined as a phrase uttered by a moron that is just a waste of oxygen.
I won't repeat what the computer said in response.
The computer was annoying me, so I took control manually. The scanners indicated there was a Starbase nearby and I figured it would probably sober me up to try and maintain a course to dock with it. There isn't much you can crash into in space, so it's a pretty good hangover cure. Just don't try it on your way out of a starbase. That can get you in all sorts of trouble.
Eventually, I arrived and asked the computer to open a hailing frequency (and get me another bottle of whisky).
Before it could comply, a message came over the comm-link:
"This is Deep Space Nine. Please approach the docking bay in the usual manner, rather than in reverse as you appear to be doing"
Deep Space Nine?
posted by Captain Berk @ 9:27 am
5 Comments:
Ooh! Near Bajor! That's the perfect location for an entrepreneur such as yourself.
What kind of whiskey do they serve on a Klingon warbird? I shudder at the thought.
And with your intelligence, you could probably wrangle a position waiting tables at the local Ferengi bar...
Hello Captian Berk i was wondering if you'd like to joing my contest at http://worldstopherochallenge.blogspot.com
If so Contact me at Supermanclarkent@yahoo.com
"Star Trekking, across the Universe! Always going forward, cos we can't find reverse!"
But it appears that you can now. See what black holes and whiskey can do for you?
Lt. Murata: Ah! My favourite, ever-loyal crewman! That's useful local knowledge, No.2, though I may have to go in disguise, for reasons I will elaborate upon later.
Darth: Slug Whisky; They drown a live trill in regular scotch over a 3 month period. All that thrashing about and trill sweat makes it taste wonderful.
Superman: I will respectfully decline, as I don't want to make everyone else look bad.
Ant: Whisky (when used judiciously) can advance one's career tenfold. When used liberally, you can end up like Scotty. The less said about that the better.
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