I was made to look a fool today.
We were on a diplomatic mission to Faghita 7. The local dignitaries had laid on a spread of roast fencepost and deep fried skillets, which is a local delicacy apparently. We all sat round chewing carefully so as not to splinter our pallates.
Bones suggested that I offer a tour of the ship to our hosts. They all looked on as I announced my intentions.
"If you would all do me the honour, I would like to give you a tour of my ship. We have a fine crew and some fantastic cupboards you can snack on, should you get hungry".
There was a general murmur of agreement.
Excellent, I thought. A chance to show off that new starfleet badge communicator I obtained in a game of chance. I puffed up my chest and tapped it firmly.
"Scotty. Beam us up"
Nothing.
"Scotty! Put down the bottle and beam us up!!"
Still nothing. I tapped my chest again.
"Scotty!!!"
By now, all the dignitaries were looking at me aghast. The rest of the away team were laughing uncontrollably. I looked down at my chest.
Someone had swapped my communicator for a doorknob.
I looked down the table to see one of the Aliens happily covering it in ketchup and sticking it in a wooden bun.
Later on, I questioned an evasive Scotty about it, as the only way the swap could have taken place without me knowing about it would have been when I tore my shirt wrestling with him earlier in the day.
My interrogation was fruitless.
On an unrelated matter, I wonder why Spock refused this away mission.
It's the first time he's ever done that.
posted by Captain Berk @ 12:17 pm
13 Comments:
What if Scotty programmed the transporter to swap out your communicator? Or perhaps, if he were too drunk, Spock could have programmed it.
On a related note, have you ever beamed a woman right out of her clothes? I saw that done on a Ferengi ship once and I thought, if ever there was a good use for transporters and a good idea from the Ferengi, that was it.
I saw Scotty do better than that. He beamed beer right out out of a Nascarian bottle and into my mouth. A shame it was Bud.
Cap: Remember that time in the Nascarian Galaxy when we were threatened by a Class E, fully armed Winnebago Warship? You put out a distress call, one that sounded like we were squealing like a pig? Your patience was amazing! You had us wait until most of the crew had exited the craft to use the outhouse, and floated away one by one. There was a great celebration with their confiscated Budweiser that night, I'll tell you what.
Hmmm, curious. Have you ever noticed what beedy little eyes Spock has? That's always a sure sign of guilt.
I agree with evrey one Spock did it . He must be beaten ! I;ll do it.
Amateurs.
Spock had nothing to do with it. Wood is alive and thinking. Constantly. Mostly, of how to annoy more developed beings without getting caught.
Doesn't anyone remember 8th grade woodshop?
*expletive deleted; memory of incident logged*
Doug: I beamed the clothes right off a woman once. It was by accident. I was trying to play a joke on one of these new 'female admirals'. I tried to beam a moustache onto her face, but it went wrong. She's never let me live it down.
Richard: Yeah. I remember that pig call well. It works a treat on many species. Some for mating, some for battle. I often get confused.
X: I'll trust your telepathic powers on that one, my friend.
Vegeta: He's all yours. Bear in mind that vulcans are excellent wrestlers.
Andy K: My wood certainly gets me in trouble. It definitely has a mind of it's own.
yup spock did i
Whether Spock did it or not, I want to see Vegeta fight 'im!
Doorknobs have always been shown to be innefective communication devices.
Spok didnt want ta go down cause they would have wanted ta eat him.
Peckerwoods alwasy been stiff as a board.
Clearly, Spock is taking vengeance on you for some act he considers a slight against him.
Look back into the not so distant past.
I'm sure you'll find something...
Maybe Spock knew what they ate already?
As for the communicator... Perhaps you should stick with the old tried and true handheld.
You know I had a log book in a lab to take down notes. No big deal right?
Well it says log on the front. So I add in: Capt'ns. To make it Capt'ns log!
I facking lost my mind at how amusing, and thought provoking that event was in my life. And I am a better man now because of it.
R2K
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