Captains Blog

Boldly going where no blog has gone before..

7.19.2007

I am onboard a Starfleet base called 'Deep Space Nine' - which sounds like a rude Ferengi film I heard about (but didn't see).

When I mentioned this similarity during a discussion with the crew of The Nine about my docking procedure, it didn't go down too well, so I abandoned any further attempts to lighten the mood.

After all the shouting died down and everyone put away their phasers, I was told that I was now on a space station near Bajor.

I have only been to this sector once before and I remember little about it- ending up here after a game of Transporter Roulette; a drinking game Khan invented. I think we had to leave quickly because Khan thought it would be funny if we taped toast racks to our noses and threw hourglasses at the locals. It turned out that wasn't particularly funny, judging by the fanatical mob that tried to lynch us. Damn that blood wine.

Anyway, a rubber faced man with bad hair asked me to give my name rank and serial number but I refused - just in case.

You never know what's lurking in the memory banks.

After a long stand off, a funny looking bald man emerged from his hiding place and told me his name; Sisqo. I asked him whether he was descended from the famous 20th century musical artist of the same name.

There was more shouting and a brief firefight (which I lost - because my phaser ran out of batteries), then Sisqo had me escorted to the holding cells whilst he 'tried to figure out how he was going to remove a Klingon warbird from the belly of his station'.

I think it looks quite good - like a young tribble suckling it's mother.

13 Comments:

At 9:22 pm, Blogger Chris Benjamin said...

this confirms my worst suspicions about Bajor.

 
At 5:37 pm, Blogger Ant said...

It's modern art.

Just like Sisqo and his music.

 
At 7:34 am, Blogger Vegeta said...

Yes the Warbirbd likely makes it look more imposing.

 
At 3:06 am, Blogger Okami said...

So THAT'S what happened to my priceless heirloom hourglass collection?!?!? You intergalactic bastard!!

 
At 6:49 pm, Blogger Doug Murata said...

I saw that Ferengi flick. It's much better than the usual oo-mox crap they produce. Women giving ear massages. It's dreadful.

Drink the Constable so that you might gain his powers. Then mold your shape to look like one of the local Bajorans, preferrably a Vedek or even the Kai. Ransack the planet using their own religious system and then hightail it when you've gotten your fill of the riches!

 
At 10:14 pm, Blogger Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

Take Doug's advice.

He's well versed in intergalactic etiquette

 
At 8:47 am, Blogger Captain Berk said...

Benji: What are they, damnit?! I'll need all the intelligence I can get if I am to dominate this station.

Ant: Try telling that to the crew of this place. They're a pretty humourless bunch.

Vegeta: That's what I thought. It'll scare away enemies when they see what they think is a vanquished ship buried in the hull.

O: Sorry. I must have broken into your house whilst intoxicated.

 
At 8:48 am, Blogger Captain Berk said...

Lt. Murata: As usual, your advice is exceptional. I will try and trick the rubber man into becoming milk. Then all his powers will be mine.

Toast: See above.

 
At 4:54 pm, Blogger Okami said...

I'm sorry captain, but did you just agree to willingly consume rubber man milk?

 
At 6:02 pm, Blogger Doug Murata said...

Okami: You gotta do what you gotta do.

 
At 6:33 pm, Blogger Okami said...

Doug: I don't see YOU stepping up for a glass of the almighty man milk... :P

 
At 8:15 pm, Blogger Doug Murata said...

Okami: How do you think I know about drinking the Constable to gain his powers? When attempting to escape from the Jem'Hadar, a man will do just about anything. Desperate times, m'dear.

 
At 3:36 pm, Blogger Ant said...

I suppose this kind of works with humans as well - drink the right milk and the dispenser becomes much more amenable to your commands, so you sort of inherit their powers too...

In fact, I believe the Starfleet hierarchy is largely built on this single premise.

 

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