I am onboard a Starfleet base called 'Deep Space Nine' - which sounds like a rude Ferengi film I heard about (but didn't see).

When I mentioned this similarity during a discussion with the crew of The Nine about my docking procedure, it didn't go down too well, so I abandoned any further attempts to lighten the mood.

After all the shouting died down and everyone put away their phasers, I was told that I was now on a space station near Bajor.

I have only been to this sector once before and I remember little about it- ending up here after a game of Transporter Roulette; a drinking game Khan invented. I think we had to leave quickly because Khan thought it would be funny if we taped toast racks to our noses and threw hourglasses at the locals. It turned out that wasn't particularly funny, judging by the fanatical mob that tried to lynch us. Damn that blood wine.

Anyway, a rubber faced man with bad hair asked me to give my name rank and serial number but I refused - just in case.

You never know what's lurking in the memory banks.

After a long stand off, a funny looking bald man emerged from his hiding place and told me his name; Sisqo. I asked him whether he was descended from the famous 20th century musical artist of the same name.

There was more shouting and a brief firefight (which I lost - because my phaser ran out of batteries), then Sisqo had me escorted to the holding cells whilst he 'tried to figure out how he was going to remove a Klingon warbird from the belly of his station'.

I think it looks quite good - like a young tribble suckling it's mother.