The Kobayashi Maru Scenario went rather well.

Sisqo put me in the Holodeck thing, which is just a big room with grids on the wall. At first I thought the game had changed and I just had to find my way out, so I started punching the walls to find gaps. This proved to be a poor tactic when the simulation started and I accidentally punched out my 1st officer as she appeared in front of me.

She fell onto one of the control consoles and hit the 'photon torpedo spread' button, destroying the Kobayashi Maru - the ship we were meant to be protecting.

I received a hail from one of the Klingon Battlecruisers asking what was going on. I had a flash of inspiration and said that I was planning to defect and turn over my ship, and that my first officer was a romantic gift to the Klingon High Council.

Suddenly, the funny grids reappeared and Sisqo walked in through a door. He said that my action 'was the grossest act of misconduct ever witnessed in the scenario' and that 'even if I was the real Berk, I would go to the gulag of Rura Penthe for my breathtaking insubordination'.

Well, there's no fooling Captain Berk.

I punched out the Holo-Sisqo and made for the Klingon Warbird, curious about this new twist on the original Kobayashi Maru scenario.

Along the way, I managed to acquire a phaser by punching out a hologram of that Bajoran Command Officer whose name escapes me, and after I had stunned three or four of those menial guard types (the ones who used to get saddled with the different coloured uniforms on my away missions) I made it to the Warbird and got myself some blood wine from the replicator.

I fired up the engines and managed to melt myself free from the belly of Deep Space Nine.

My guess was that - in this new scenario - Sisqo had gone mad and was using the old test to demoralise young cadets into thinking they were unworthy of Starfleet. This was a new test; a test of questioning authority, and when it should and should not be done. I replicated another blood wine and a tribble pizza, then locked the photon torpedos onto the station and requested they surrender.

I won't repeat the language Holo-Sisqo used in response.

2-0 to me!