Today I tried increasing the size of my manhood in the transporter.

I read in 'Self Diasgnostic' magazine that you could make subtle alterations to your transporter signature to increase or decrease(?) the size of your member.

I sneaked down to the transporter room on my lunch break and had a fiddle with the controls. It had been a while since I had used them myself, so I had to wing it.

I made a few adjustments, set the timer, and quickly hopped on the platform. Sure enough, after beaming to transporter room 2, my girth had encreased three fold, and my length had doubled.

I was extremely happy. However, just as I was checking to make sure everything was still in working order, Scotty walked in.

"What are ye doin' Captain?"

I quickly fumbled my tractor beam back into its housing.

"Uh, just checking everything is in working order. With the transporter, I mean. Nothing else. As you were."

"oh. erm.. Right Captain. I hope ye did nae encounter any problems."

"Far from it Scotty, far from it"

I caught him glance at my nether regions for a moment. Disbelief momentarily flickered across his face, but he quickly composed himself.

"Do ye feel alright Captain? You look a little pale?"

I was feeling quite faint. I had developed an enormous erection, mainly due to the embarrasment of the situation. This always happened, and tended to cause a viscious cycle which I rarely escaped from. The massive increase in size meant that a lot more blood was needed to maintain 'Red Alert', as it were.

"I errrr.... ahhh. ooooh"

I woke up in sick bay.

Again.