I was discharged from sick bay today, following my run in with the alien creature.

Bones insisted I stay overnight for observation, which I initially refused to do.

I relented when he told me that whilst I was unconscious, the creature successfully inserted a mating tentacle into what it mistakenly thought to be my birth canal. He said that I needed to be probed to make sure I had not been ‘contaminated’

When I asked him why he didn’t use a Tricorder, as oppose to the painful rectal probe, he mumbled something about alien residue causing inaccurate readings.

This was strange, as none of the other crew members readings were affected.

Today, I can barely walk.

I need to order a new green top from supplies.

Home and Away

Yesterdays away mission was a disaster.

I chose my favourite green top, and when i arrived at the transporter room, everyone was sniggering behind their backs.

They have no respect for me.

When I took Bones to one side and asked him about it, he just told me he's a doctor and not a fashion designer.

Anyway, when we got to the planet surface, we had to fight a monster. I tried to impress everyone by doing a forward roll/karate chop combination to attack it. I ripped my shirt and the monster hit me with a tentacle. That's the last thing I remember. Next thing I know, I wake up in sick bay feeling really sore.

It turns out everyone else had to blast it with their phasers to stop it mating with me.

Scotty got to make out with the green alien lady we saved.

I feel like an idiot.

Uniform Displeasure

I can't make up my mind on which top I should wear for todays away mission to Ryjel 7.

Everyone else is wearing red. Do i wear my favourite green shirt with the gold collar?

Or do I wear what everyone else is wearing to show a sense of unity? It's so hard being captain sometimes.

No one understands.

In space, no one can steal your cream

I have started this blog as i can trust no-one on this ship. Whilst on Earth recently, I was advised of this blogging business, so I am using this as oppose to the official log, which is not safe from prying eyes at the the very highest echelons of power.

Today, Mr Sulu bought me gravy instead of coffee from the replicator. When I questioned him about it, he said the replicator must be faulty. It was fine when i checked it later. He must have run a level one diagnostic on it after I highlighted the fault.

I don't know why he was laughing about it with Scotty afterwards. He was evasive when questioned about it.